Show Yourself

Ok, ok. I've got to come clean about something. Things.

Sometimes I imagine pushing strangers under trains.
Sometimes I punish myself and keep it secret.
Sometimes I feel good when other people look foolish. (Like when they are quizzed about their use of the word "schadenfreude", and it is revealed that they don't really know what it means.)
Sometimes I lie. That's a lie. I lie often. (That's the truth.)
Sometimes I think I'm more special than other people.
Sometimes I waste fresh food by forgetting to eat it before it putrefies.
Sometimes I waste my talents.
Sometimes I try to make my thigh touch the thigh of the person next to me on public transport.
Sometimes I pull malicious faces at babies in prams. (Usually they laugh.)
Sometimes I pretend to be deaf.
Sometimes I eat a whole block of chocolate.
Sometimes I eavesdrop.
Sometimes I use disabled toilet facilities.
Sometimes I pretend to know more than I do.
Sometimes I wish I was in a fist-fight.
Sometimes I do things that are innocuous.
Sometimes I don't warn people before I hurt them.
Sometimes I do things that really hurt people.
Sometimes I hold a life in my hands and I don't value it very highly at all.


Does anyone out there know me? Has anyone seen me? This is all so anonymous, it feels like a lie. My vanity makes me desperate to have you thinking I'm unique. But really I'm just another person. I'm in my late twenties, living on my own in a one-bedroom thing on the edge of a city. But does anyone know who I really am? Anyone?
Could you have seen me? We might shop at the same supermarket.
Am I ringing any bells? Maybe you saw me hide something when I thought you weren't looking.
Do you know who I am? Maybe I'm that person who watched you cry from afar, but you didn't care at the time.
Can you picture me? I could be the one you always wonder about on the tram. Maybe you've even been building up the courage to talk to me. Maybe you think I look nice.
Maybe I work with you. Maybe I'm in your family. Maybe I'm in your bed.

I'm not in your bed. I'm in my own bed, typing this post.
Good night.


I hope dearly that you and I will see each other soon.
Really see each other. In a way neither of us ever imagined.
Soon.


-Yuri